"Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living." - Anais Nin

I have been plagued with nightmares my entire life. recurring dreams that to me, are the product of an overactive imagination. I've read and heard other explanations - sleep paralysis, unnatural sleep patterns, deep within R.E.M; yet I still favor the one that says all dreams have underlying meanings. I even want that to be so true that the first thing I do after waking up from a dream is flip through my dream book; past the meanings of spiders, chairs, children, sinking ships and all the other various things they've deciphered. Until I've found the reasoning behind my dream.
A-Ha! Dreamt about a hail storm did you?! You must be emotionally withdrawn! You've been eating oatmeal in your dreams! Well, Congratulations! You my friend are well grounded!
It's hard to believe such rediculous explanations for why I was standing in the middle of a hail storm eating a bowl of oatmeal last night. But! it makes the dreams that much more comical and exciting.
I do not dream like normal people. Most people only remember bits and pieces when they wake up. I remember it all. Dialogue, faces, house numbers...I can recite a dream to you as if I've just watched it in a movie theater. I have however learned to use these dreams to my advantage, I write them down and use them for stories. Sometimes I feel as as though I'll be sued for copyright infringement, but after all I did make it up, even if I was sleeping.
This led to me developing a passion for writing at a young age. There are literally stacks of notebooks in my room with random mutated dreams of venturing through wintry forests and being stuck in a heat wave while the city is melting around me.
As I got older I wanted to be able to recreate these dreams visually, which turned me to photography. I had to teach myself the way around photoshop if I wanted my friends to turn purple and have overly large hands. The love for both evolved into film. I want to see them in action. I wanted to SEE a giant falcon flying over Arizona during an ice age. I've always wished for a device to place on your head while you slept, A device that would record your dreams on a screen. Then I wouldn't need millions of dollars to recreate a story.
I retract the first statement I made. These nightmares are not a plague they are a blessing, I would not have been able to keep my imagination alive for all these years if my brain did not laugh in my face and send me on wild dreams at night. I would never have found my love for film if my dreams did not insist I watch a movie every night. Whether they are the product of my nocturnal sleep pattern, of just a really, really deep sleep. They are the reason I'm in school, they are the reason I've set out to create unreal worlds and fictional characters. I've literally dreamt up my own reality, and I'm watching it unfold.

I always hate being able to smoke inside a house. I mean, it's serves it's purposes - like not having to get up and go outside every couple of hours, or stop what i'm working on to smoke...but when I'm editing or watching a movie my pack goes like nothing else. I've been editing gunsmoke for the past five hours now, and my eyes burn! I want a beer, but I know when Joey gets around to waking up all the liquor stores will be closed on this fine sunday night. I should just walk, but I really don't know my way around westfield. This computer screen is huge, my eyes are probably slowly getting worse just sitting here. and......i turn to my right and there is a huge damn spider lurking in the dark. Scream or not to scream...that is the question, whether is tis nobal to let joey sleep or to wake him in such a rude way. well it's not moving from it's position on the wall, and I don't it has enough speed to jump from the wall onto me, so i'll wait another hour or so until i bitch slap the shit out of the sleeping boy.

Sitting on the floor in a dim lit room. Stacks of records and books everywhere. There is smoke dancing around us from the fan in the window. The low crackle of a record is playing and it's soothing.

We're talking about history & films, music & religion. Never arguing about our differences just smiling & feeling nice from the forgotten jug of wine, you hid behind your sun damaged comic books. I still can't figure out why you won't throw them away. "They'll have another purpose." Heh.

 The digital clock next to your guitar is flickering & the feeling of never wanting to leave starts building up inside of me. "Stay, I want to show you something." I think for a minute before I respond to your statement. Are you reading my mind? Is the desperation written all over my face? Are you just being kind so I don't have to walk home in the dark? Your voice breaks threw my thoughts. "Analytical as always." You've never really had a secret agenda, Perhaps I just feel safer looking at it from every angle. Camera 1. Camera 2.

"Okay."

The breeze starts to blow harder through the windows, It smells like rain & I can feel myself relax. The open book by your window starts to collect drops of water & the smell of the damp pavement mixes with the incense and wine smells in the room.  Mmm, What a beautiful feeling. You reach over to turn off the rust colored light and the room glows with a soft blue light from the streetlamps.

The crackling on the record player grows louder & cuts into a soft guitar. I wonder if you can see me staring at you in the darkness of the room. The red ember from your cigarette illuminating your face. Your eyes are lost in thought & I wish I could touch you. Trace your lips with my fingertips, feel the warmth of your breath on my neck. 

I lean back against a broken speaker & reach for my own cigarette. I can close my eyes and listen to the soft beats of the drums and the beautiful tones of the guitar. I can close my eyes and smell the rain. I can close my eyes& feel safe. I can close my eyes knowing you're so close.

• 12:59 I just saw a pregnant chick holding a baby smoking a cigarette. #
• 20:01 Just got on the bus after the museum. Walked about 70 blocks, took 1000+ pictures & now I will die. #

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• 00:38 How the fuck did i get stuck with a couple #
• 19:06 I just saw a nun driving a bus... #
• 20:44 i don't sit around waiting for people...thomas move in with me already so we can destroy the world. #

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• 16:10 My dad just jedi mind tricked me...that can't be right. #

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• 07:55 Thursdays are the worst days. I hate drawing class & I lost my bus pass. #

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So I went into new york yesterday on one hour of sleep, for an open house at the art institute. I start school on April 6th & i really couldn't be more excited. One of the professors I met was the definition of an old school artist. for me anyway. He as around 40-50 but he looked young, with salt & pepper hair & one hoop earring. A lot of what he said consisted of "Yeah man" & "That is so cool" My favorite was "Look at the colors! they are so luscious!!" He asked me why I was there & I explained to him how I've always messed around with coding, photoshop & flash
& how i'd like to up my skills in it. He called me a maverick, which sent my thoughts to sarah palin & how for some reason she couldn't stop
saying the word, everyone gave me strange looks while i chuckled to myself.

Now, all I have to do is write an essay on why I think this school would be good for me. I got this shit sonnnnnnnnnn.
Anyway Lachy's girlfriend Natalie & I have been writing each other back and forth like maniacs, I've never written so much to someone, she rocks my socks hardcore haha.

I was going to sit here and write about something that's been on my mind for a couple of days now, but i decided against it. I think i'll keep this one under wraps :P in all due time haha.

• 09:04 Can't sleep. I had a dream that plane crashed a week ago. I thought it was just playback from the first plane crash. #

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I kind of regret deleting every single entry on my old journal.
It was only because I really believed it was a time in my life I did not want to remember.

Oh well...Life does go on huh?

My dreams have been so off the wall, Nikki said it was the World of Warcraft, I said it was because the world was going to end & God thought that I should know. I think she won that argument. Except for! about a week or two ago I was talking to Lachlan & Gavin and I told them both I had a dream that a Continental plane crashed, or rather took a nose dive while I was sitting outside of a house watching it happen.

Gavin mockingly said "Omg, maybe it's a premonition!" I said "It's because a plane just crashed asswipe."

But is it?!!?! Yeah, it must be... cool things like magic, premonitions & Michael Jackson don't exist.

Anyway, Happy Friday the 13th everybody! Yet another horror movie remake comes out today, because creativity has died & a plane crashed. Man, I tell ya it really doesn't seem like this year is going so good.

Matt & I broke up, The long distance thing wasn't working for me & there are too many things I want to do that just don't fit in with a 'WE' title. I'm too young. BUT!!!! I have an open house on Monday & I'm working really hard on getting a part time gig at the museum of natural history!!!  I'm so excited I'm gonna pee my pants.

WHY CAN I NEVER SLEEP?!

I'll start updating more often, I promise! :D